Having someone to rely on, more than anyone else, is nice.
Someone we can talk about everything to, who is worth the benefit of the doubt, whom you can pour all your love into yet you don't feel empty; you feel fulfilled.
I don't want to jeopardize the comfort of being alone and the luxury of being unbothered with relationship problems; but the feeling of longing for someone can impregnate sometimes. You can't have your cake and eat it; there will be something you'd have to sacrifice in order to have the other. I know I'd despise myself for writing this, but I did anyway. This felt so personal to me yet I know the most personal can be the most universal; because we are a mixed bag full of feelings.
And now, I don't know if I miss you or I just miss experiencing the profound feeling of having someone. Probably both.
I still got so much to say, all the words piled up in the corner of my mind, all the questions left unanswered. But if I were given a chance to talk to you, I don't know I would. I don't really think it's really necessary. So I just simply wrote it down.
We go on with our lives, time and distance grow and separate. Since the day we realized things weren't the same, since the moment I have to let you go, not having to talk to you like I used to scared me. We were 2 AM talks, now we don't even know how to start. No big deal, just life happened. I didn't even recall a closure. It's a farewell without goodbye being said. And we lose each other along the way.
Little did you know, but this is what it's like to miss you even though I have moved on. Moving on does not mean forgetting; it means being fine with your absence. I miss the version of you when you were with me, since I don't even know how much you have changed now.
I may not think about you as much as I used to, I don't struggle to try not doing it. But last night I just dreamed about you—after a very long time the thought of you didn't cross my mind—and it strikes me hard in the morning. I woke up with my chest so heavy I realize I miss hearing your stories and telling mine. It's like the accumulation of feelings that occurs in any little moment that reminds me of you. When I watch a really good movie I thought you'd like. When I hear songs on shuffle and the song that reminds me of you comes to play. When I walk past certain places. I know it's just a nature of reminiscing. It happens even if we find someone new and that's okay. Even when those things aren't relevant anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever miss me too. I wonder if it hurt you like it hurt me. I wonder how you recover. I wonder if you found someone new already. I wonder if you ever wonder like this.
I guess we have our own ways to deal with things, and despite it all, I hope you're doing well. I hope what we went through made each of us a better person. I hope you're happy.
